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Written by: G. Goldberg
O'Maxfield I'm always amazed
when the Phillies lose a ball game. Not that they haven't
lost their share lately, but this group of players have been so
lame that we
may need some extra strength wisdom to get through this year. The
bitter
aspect of the team for their fans is their cruel style of play as
it unfolds
over the season. It doesn't matter who is playing, who is the
manager or
where they play. Anytime they play before the all-star break is
the middle
of the night for them and they sleepwalk through this awkward part
of their
season. Yet every spring, fans expect them to be wide awake in the
middle of
the night and to perform their jobs faultlessly at that ungodly
time. I'm
glad my boss doesn't share those feelings. I don't do the middle
of the
night very well either.
I'm more amazed that we fanatics expect them to win at all. Why do
we put
any expectations on them? Their history is the only expectation I
trust. The
Phillies basically have the same group playing this year as last
year. They
have a track record for digging deep holes early and then
heroically try to
dig themselves out. This is their drama. I watched them last year
and it was
a study in futility. The poor under-achievers who find inept ways
to blow
games, get injured or become head cases. Then, after the break,
they find
their groove and win all types of games when it doesn't really
matter. While
heroics are great for drama, utilizing them when its too late is
like
putting salt on a wound. We ask ourselves why they couldn't play
that way
all year. That's the cruel part.
This dual personality is their season's script and they have
demonstrated
that it doesn't work for them, yet they continue to prove to
themselves that
the dig a deep-hole method works. It's deja-vu all over again. As
some wise
person once stated, "Start a journey at the top of a mountain,
walk downhill
and soon you'll find yourself in a valley having to climb up the
next
mountain when you are too tired to succeed". It's a sure-fire
recipe for
proving failure.
I have been a fanatic long enough to have developed a few survival
tools
to help me get through the season with my sanity intact. I'd like
to pass
them on to my fellow Phillies fans because suffering is so un-cool
and life
is just too short to have your heart ripped out on a 60" plasma,
high-definition TV. So listen up and develop these skills for
yourself.
1) Expect the Phillies to lose every game. Then it's a bonus when
they occasionally win and if they do lose, its no big surprise.
Suffering only
happens when we allow it to happen to us. Develop a strong
survival attitude
and it will pay off by October. As the father of teenagers, I have
this
skill set down pat.
2) Having a new ball park for this team is like putting perfume on
a pig.
Hey, they still stink, even in a pretty new ballpark. Remember,
they lose
all over the National League, not just at home. A new car won't
solve your
deepest problems.
3) Don't get fooled by the party line from the front office.
Baseball men
are politicians who seek your money and will tell you anything as
long as
you spend it on their product. That's capitalism and as long as
money is
being made, things are good for the Team. Winning or losing is not
a sure
sign of profits in baseball. Develop a front-office BS shield and
you're
armed for a long season of frustration.
4) Stop reading local newspapers and stop listening to local
sportscasters.
Sports writers and on-air personalities are really propaganda
agents of the
front office and many just tout the party line. Readout-of-town
papers to
get a real perspective on the team. This is like your mother
telling
you you look fine before a date. Ask your best friend's mother and
she'll
be straight with you.
5) Charlie Manuel is really a nice guy. Just to prove it, the team
will
come in last place. This is the one piece of front office BS that
was true.
6) Larry Bowa was not the problem. He was only a symptom but at
least he
was entertaining. Since the results of both managers are the same,
we lost a
bit of entertainment in the process. Unless baseball can entertain
us, its
just a numbers game.
7) Watch games as if you really liked the opposing teams. Then
when they
succeed, you'll feel a lot better. I make believe I'm a native New
Yorker
and enjoy the Mets playing. This one is hard to pull off all the
time, but
if you practice, it will come easier, even if it makes you gag.
8) It is not written anywhere that the Phillies will ever win
another
pennant. Accept it and move on. Repeat this mantra over and over
to
yourself; "Its just a game. Its just a game. Its just a game."
Your blood
pressure will soon come back to normal.
9) Watching a losing effort can be amusing if you're in the right
frame
of mind. Harness frustration and develop a sense of humor.
Remember the head bags? Creativity is born from frustration and if
you can use this tool effectively, you could be on TV yourself.
10) Remember, it supposed to be entertaining. Its not whether you
win or
lose but how you do it. Professional sports are an entertainment
industry
and unless you can find another activity to occupy your time,
develop the
hubris of losing, embrace it, worship it and you could be free of
it forever.
Develop losers mind.
Keep these facts in mind this year and go to a few games with your
families
and enjoy yourselves! Just look at that skyline, that scoreboard,
that juicy
cheese steak. Look at anything except what is happening on the
field and you
won't be disappointed. Did you think the new ballpark was designed
that way
to watch a winning team play there? Go ahead a allow yourselves to
be
entertained and lose any expectations and you'll survive the
season just
fine. Life is good! And being a Phillies fan is a sure-fire way of
developing survival skills that will last a lifetime. Back
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